I want to lodge a formal complaint — there is no owl in my palm tree. You see, Austin Kleon, a writer, has a backyard with a palm tree, and in that palm tree lives Coconut the Owl. So not only does he have a backyard and a palm tree, but also a blog post that pretty much writes itself every week.
I, on the other hand, don’t have a garden with wildlife to write about.
The photo above is of the view from my kitchen. There is no yard. I need to find a new apartment soon — the owner asked me to move out because her daughter wants to live here. I tried telling her that she should just sell this apartment, that this is not a place that her 18-year-old daughter should live in. She says she will renovate when I move out, and it will be fine.
This apartment has a few problems:
- Some of the radiators don’t work. Most importantly, the one in the bathroom doesn’t work at all so it’s always freezing there. It apparently can’t be fixed because it’s a general plumbing issue.
- The water pressure is often so low that the water heater doesn’t turn on. (It turns on automatically when the water is running, but not if the water is running very slowly.)
- I have new neighbors in the apartment next door. Two nights ago a drunk guy was yelling to let him in, I suspected they didn’t want to because he was drunk and angry. I found some pumpkin seeds in my cupboard and decided to go to the grocery store another day.
- Live wires are sticking out of the walls.
- People leave trash on the sidewalk. There was a carpet lying there for weeks. And also a toilet — for months.
- The windows are leaking so much that when it rains and you are sleeping, you can wake up to a puddle in the middle of the room.
- There’s only hot water in the kitchen. Unless the water heater doesn’t turn on because of low pressure — then there’s only cold water.
- I was cleaning tiles in the bathroom, and one fell off and broke.
I know it looks bad. I swear, I am not as poor as it seems, and you can make money as an artist. I got used to the apartment. It will be funny to look at this list when I am rich, or at least living in a functioning apartment.